The Curious Disappearance of Mad Baggins

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This is the text of "The Curious Disappearance of Mad Baggins," a play which can been seen (and participated in) at the Frostbluff Theatre in Winter-home during the Yule Festivals.

The play takes a bit more than 6 minutes from start to end. Wait for the "Attended a performance" text before you leave the Theater!

Narrator says,

"Not so very long ago, in the sleepy town of Hobbiton...."
"The notable Mr. Bilbo Baggins was preparing his birthday celebration."

Partygoer says,

"I am so excited for Mr. Bilbo's party."
"I've heard he will spare no expense, every guest will receive a sack of gold and jewels from his hidden fortune!"
"Why the postman has just delivered your invitation!"

Extra

Partygoer says,

SUCCESS: "I quite agree...it should be a marvelous time!"
FAIL: "That's not in the...you can be so silly sometimes!"

Narrator says,

"The whole of the Shire began to feel the excitement."
"Hobbits marked their calendars and eagerly anticipated the faithful day."
"But not all of the guests had the same good intentions."

Evil Dwarf says,

"Muahahaa...Gandalf! Our plans are in motion!"
"The day of Mad Baggins' party is almost upon us."
"What evil plan do you have up your sleeve, Gandalf?"

Villain

SUCCESS: "Yes, yes! Muahahahaaaa"
FAIL: "Er, yes...we'll...trick him into...."

Narrator says,

"And so the day of the party finally arrived."
"Hobbits lined up all down the Hill, even as far as Three-Farthing Stone."
"And Bilbo stood at his gate with his nephew to greet them each in turn."

Frodo Baggins says,

"Oh Bilbo, our party is going splendidly!"
"I'm not sure anything could spoil such a wonderful day."
"Why look, it's our cousins, the Proudfoots. Why don't you say hullo, Uncle?"

Protagonist

SUCCESS: "Very well put, Uncle. We are quite happy to have you...enjoy the party!"
FAIL: "Er,...what I believe my uncle meant to say was, Won't you please enjoy the party?"

Narrator says,

"The party was very successful."
"Food, drink, and music were all in plenty."
"Though some were getting suspicious of some of the more nefarious guests."

Partygoer says,

"I must say, I've never had so much fun in all my life!"
"But who invited the sour-looking dwarf?"
"Oh well...how are you enjoying the party?"

Extra

Partygoer says,

SUCCESS: "You are very right. I should stop worrying and enjoy the party!"
FAIL: "So you think...er...what is it that you think?"

Narrator says,

"And so the party continued."
"All throughout the day, there was feasting and merriment."
"While the hobbits were preparing dinner, others were preparing something completely different...."

Evil Dwarf says,

"Everything is going according to plan, Gandalf."
"No one suspects a thing, not even that pesky Frodo."
"Are you ready to spring our trap and steal Mad Baggins' fortune?"

Villain

SUCCESS: "Good, good, we must hurry, we haven't much time...."
FAIL: "Er, what I'm sure you meant to say was...we'll be ready, yes, we will...."

Narrator says,

"A tent was erected over the party tree to hold dinner for Bilbo and his guests."
"After the feast, Bilbo and Frodo arose...it was time for the party-speech."
"All in attendance waited in anticipation to see what Bilbo would say."

Frodo Baggins says,

"Bilbo and I would like to thank all of you for attending."
"We cannot express our gratitude for how happy we are being with you tonight."
"Before we conclude the evening, my uncle has something he would like to say."

Protagonist

Frodo Baggins says,

SUCCESS: "Oh yes, I quite agree."
FAIL: "Er, Uncle...don't you mean...." or "Ha-ha...Uncle can be so funny sometimes...can't you, uncle?"

Partygoer says,

"I am rather enjoying Bilbo's speech...are you not?"

Extra

Partygoer says,

SUCCESS: "I agree...Bilbo is a queer character, but well-spoken."
FAIL: "My goodness! Perhaps you misheard my question...." or "Are you even paying attention?"

Frodo Baggins says,

"And now, I believe Bilbo has an announcement!"

Protagonist

Frodo Baggins says,

SUCCESS: Very well put, Uncle.""
FAIL: "Oh, Uncle...always joking around" or "Er, what my uncle meant to say was...."

Evil Dwarf says,

"Gandalf, NOW!"
"Muahaha, our plan is complete!"
"No one will suspect that we've...disposed of Mad Baggins."
"Now we have Bag End all to ourselves, isn't that right, Gandalf?"

Villain

SUCCESS: "Yes, yes! Let us begin the search for Mad Baggins' treasure!"
FAIL: "Yes, well, I agree...I think?"

Narrator says,

"And so our tale comes to an end."
"Though some claim on cool, clear nights, the sound of distant laughter and jingling coins can still be heard around the old Party Tree."
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